WHEN LAMBS BECOME LIONS -- a film documentary on the human/wildlife conflict in Africa, unbiasedly documenting real stories of men on the front lines of the poaching crisis. I instantly knew this would be a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a part of a project this special and powerful. To do it with a fresh team of young talent made it that much more gold.
After this beautiful project in Kenya, I felt inspired to be open and vulnerable with myself about where I want my work to go. Vulnerability and honesty in themselves inspire me, because they are usually precursors to some kind of change that your soul desires. They reveal the insecurities that are dead weights woven in our own fiber, originally conceived as standards for protection, that ultimately only succeed in preventing new fruit from blooming.
Since I started photography, I have focused mainly on the technicality of everything, from studio lighting to retouching. Coming from knowing nothing, I felt like that was what I had to focus on learning rather than paying attention to the mysteries of what was unwritten. Even people I interned with and other places I learned, everything was about control and quality. Lots of rooted tripods and scripted setups. Without even realizing it, I’ve created some sort of standard in my mind that somewhat aligns with that influence. But the truth is, the more time that goes on, I notice it whispering feelings of drained and fearful emptiness, at times.
I’ve come to the seemingly obvious realization that the more I deny myself, the less I know myself and the less I experience what I’m capable of. Overprotecting gifts of any kind does not make them shinier, rather they become dull and underutilized, eventually growing to be timid, fragile and ill-equipped. It's more beautiful to have a broken gift, resiliently pieced back together to become something unpredictably unique, well-adapted to gladly welcome the unknown.
I saw some of this freedom in the guys on my team. Through their music, their conversations, personalities, style, their ideas and the way they would shoot. Even their crudeness. It made my heart flicker. It goes without saying that I was moved and inspired by the people we met and documented. But what made the most impact on me was the team, even though it wasn't perfect... we are humans. And that's really the point anyways. I felt unsettled at the realization that I'm missing out on the creative collaboration that seems to be a normal part of their lives. I didn't realize how isolated I felt in my career until now, but take joy knowing that it motivates a new and exciting chapter. I noticed individual things in each of the guys that I really loved and appreciated.
As long as you have an open mind and heart, everything you do offers opportunities to learn, improve, give and receive. Every international project that I’ve been a part of, I’ve grown so much in personal ways, each time becoming a stronger and more independent person, with a humbler appreciation for people across the world. I want to feel those same growing pains here and beyond.
Here we are, frolicking around in between our agenda.
